Desperation
by TessaStarDean
Summary: Set right after No Man's Land. RyanCalleigh. Rated R.


Calleigh couldn't sit there any longer. The murmurs of those around her, the bare white walls…it was all driving her insane. As nurses and doctors walked past her, the petite CSI retreated into herself, searching for a safe place somewhere deep in her mind. But everywhere she went, the only thing she could hear was Horatio's voice, telling her that Eric had been shot.

Unable to take it anymore, she finally got up and walked out of the waiting room. It felt as though everyone was staring at her, judging her for not sitting and waiting for news on one of her best friends. But Calleigh was afraid that if she stayed there for even one minute longer, she might scream at the top of her lungs – and then everyone would be staring at her.

When she got outside, she found that she couldn't stop walking. She had meant to only step outside, to catch her breath and clear her head. But instead her feet continued to carry her forward, away from the hospital and toward the parking garage. She didn't stop until she had reached the Hummer that she had arrived in. Standing there, she stared at it as though it were a monster – as though it was trying to convince her to get in and abandon Eric. But she knew that she couldn't do that, no matter what happened.

"Calleigh?"

She spun around, startled at the intrusion. Ryan stood nearby, leaning against the cement wall near the Hummer. His bloodshot eyes and red cheeks told her that he had been crying.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, pushing away from the wall and walking up to her.

Giving him a sad smile, Calleigh reached up and placed her hand on his cheek.

"I feel like I should be asking you that question."

He tried to return her smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. Reaching up, he placed his hand over hers, his gaze boring into her. Calleigh didn't blink, or turn away. She simply stared back, searching his eyes for something she couldn't even put a name to.

Without a word, she suddenly moved forward, pressing her lips to his. Ryan didn't hesitate in his response, his heart and body demanding that he not pull away. Instead, one hand moved up to tangle in her long blonde hair, while the other arm wrapped around her waist, dragging her closer.

When she felt him responding, Calleigh nipped at his bottom lip until he finally opened his mouth to her, and then she plunged her tongue in. Their kisses were bruising and desperate, but neither seemed to care as they stole every ounce of breath from the other. Needing to be even closer, Ryan moved forward, slamming her into the side of the Hummer. With the hardness of the SUV behind her and Ryan's hardening body pressed up against her, Calleigh's hands drifted down, dancing along the bottom hem of his shirt. When her fingers grazed the skin of his abdomen, Ryan let out a guttural moan, and suddenly Calleigh needed to touch more of him. Her hands snaked under his shirt and over his skin, roaming around his sides and then up to his chest. Heart pounding, Ryan moved his lips across her jaw and down her neck, focusing on the sensitive skin right behind her earlobe. At the same time, his hands moved under her shirt and roamed over her back and around her sides, his knuckles grazing her breasts. She moaned his name breathlessly as she tried to push herself even closer.

When he moved his mouth back to hers, Ryan felt fresh tears cascading from her eyes. Pulling back slightly, he kissed her cheeks to stop the tears from making it all the way down her face. Her fingers tangled in the collar of his shirt as her sobs overcame her.

"Ryan," she cried.

He pulled her close then, his touch no longer desperate, but comforting. Calleigh buried her face in his shoulder and let her tears take over, her body shaking with the force of her weeping. Ryan whispered gentle words in her ear even as he moved them back to the cement wall. Once there, he brought them both to the floor, where he pulled Calleigh into his lap and rocked her gently.

It was a long time before her tears stopped. But even then Ryan didn't let her go. He just kept running a hand through her hair, trying to give her whatever comfort he could.

"I'm sorry," she finally said.

"Calleigh –"

"I'm sorry I kissed you. Especially now. Especially when –"

"Calleigh, stop." She did stop then, her eyes lifting to his. "Don't apologize. Whether it meant everything or nothing, you don't have to worry about it now. We'll figure it out later."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He smiled gently at her. "Let me be your friend, Calleigh. Let me help you." She looked like she was about to argue, so he continued, his voice strained. "I know what you're going through. He's my friend too."

Calleigh nodded then, seeing the truth and sincerity of his words in his eyes. Leaning forward, she placed a light kiss on his lips.

"We should probably go back in," she whispered.

Slowly, they stood, rearranging their clothes and smoothing down their hair. Then Ryan slowly slipped his hand into hers and they made their way back to the E.R. together.


End file.
